Shortly Random

I set my clock to breathe in my bank's grandmother but as it failed to sleep on my car it expired and I had to go undercover as a cabbage to the cockroach store to steal a free time-machine which would do nothing but rise in price and then be free and transform me into a broccoli. That led me to self combust.

THE END

 

Jerry and Perry

Jerry the cow went down the street only to forget his watermelon which was probably chasing Perry the cat who liked licking poor perry the Orange, So Jerry went to get his watermelon but it had Been eaten by A moose So he Murdered The Moose In Apple juice and he ran Away on A sheep Who took him to the barbers only to find it flying around in squares so then he found Perry the cat with an apple in her mouth which suddenly imploded turning the earth into a Pepsi flavored lime.

THE END

 

Swirlygirly

Swirly Girly swung around on her chair and landed on the pincushion.The pin jabbed her and deflated her bottom 'oowowowowowoww'! The cat came running in and heard mmeowowowowowowow and picked her up in its mouth. Swirly girly counted its teeth only 44..hmmm that's not good enough to send me out to space! She grabbed the tail and swung out far past the 44 but they flew out in front of her. Too late she began to swirl and grabbed a cupcake off the horses ear just as Farmer Brown woke up and got ready to milk the cows.

THE END

    

Gertrude the Ping Pong Ball and friends

"Oh no" exclaimed Gertrude the Ping pong ball as her dog stole itself. This was the third time in .05 seconds and Gertrude was getting sick with cancer of it. She then promptly died. But Calvin the pig skin wasn't upto the task of fetching a pickle to eat- so he ate a pickle he'd fetched instead. Then jerald entered the room and his liver opened a small hole in his asparagus which led to bedtime for little jimmy. But aunt pransgus was blind so she simply ate the next door neighbour before putting her hand down her throat to give the now half digested neighbour his daily newspaper that they had agreed earlier to swap annually or secondly (whichever suited pransgus). Anyway- Harold the duck drowned in its neck while attempting to re-eat a piece of crocodile it had just wrestled, killed and eaten and Henry the cat suffocated in its lung after much a same incident- except with Osama Bin Laden.

THE END

 

Series of Random Events

The following in an excerpt taken from fanfiction.net All credit goes to the original author of this funny little story. Please Enjoy :) the ninja penguin warriors came into my freezer last night while I was looking for my socks, and told me that the purple leprechauns from Venus were planning on stealing my toothpicks and planting them in Antarctica to end world hunger. Then a giant octopus came and dyed my hair and said that if I wanted chocolate I should play hopscotch with Santa at my family reunion but I had already made plans to go skydiving at Pizza Hut with Willy Wonka so I had to say, "sorry mate but my banana has turned into a blue fleece blanket and I have to walk my dog's biscuit."

THE END

    

The Surfing Doctor

Once upon a time I was amputating a patience leg when I got halfway through and realised it was the wrong leg. "sorry dude," I said in a thick surfer accent and started sawing the other leg then I noticed the patient had died from shock. "bummer dude," I said as I rode a gnarly wave of not caring to Cambodia where I met up with captain cook and Michael Jackson. as you know they have been dead for a while so as I saw their zombified faces I ran towards them and shouted "RIGHTEOUS MAN!" before being devoured. and did I mention that the texas poker set, only $9.99, saw the whole thing? he smiled and stated a simple, 'oh,' as he flew into the sun.

THE END

 

The Legend Of The Poka Dot Puppy

One Day Pete the Polka Dot Puppy was waltzing up a telegraph pole when Alfred The Purple Polka Dot decided to have lunch which meant that the evil Carrot Potato would have to get up for her daily pickle. Meanwhile petunia the beef asparagus went to the groceries store to get a Puppy when she saw Pete the polka dot puppy walking up a telegraph pole so quickly it combusted into a super towel and dried poor Allsorts the cat who fell into a painting of a Apple Pie which hit a button making the telegraph pole Pete wake up and turn into a step ladder which ended in the middle of a flying caterpillar. But then Petes polka dot army went to the rescue of a sleeping goat who wasn't doing anything so then it started raining geese onto poor Amanda the leopard who count do anything about it so the eye of the tiger helped her in the middle of the night but then a chicken spontaneously combusted turning a lemon into a lime causing Josh the assassin to slam in to his target which happened to be behind a metal pole making Pete fall off the pole only just realizing it was a step ladder as he crashed into josh who slammed into Abby the leopard slamming into Beck the once a lemon lime making it rain turtles on poor Adam the Narrator for a really important stage production who started floating into the stars asking an impossible task for Jack the Guitarist to find his pineapple only to find it killing an intruder who was just delivering Dinner Making Caitlin Miss her favorite episode of Anime causing Her T.V to explode electrocuting the Earth causing mars to laugh at you cause it was Bored of NASA trying to get to it.

THE END

    

My Random Adventure

One cold summers night on the way to a pickled barbeque I noticed a non misty, non spooky, mostly normal road that had a sign next to it - "how to eat a perched iguana". Intrigued, I imploded up the hill and when I arrived there I was surprised to find a colony of morbidly obese quadriplegic caterpillars. "Hello old child," one of the more obese caterpillars said as I approached the door of their greenhouse, "how can I eat you?" Surprised, I bought two Gmail accounts and followed my step uncle once removed to the dunny just outside their urban property. As I left the dunny I overheard a conversation between two morbidly obese quadriplegic caterpillars- "but who will stir the fish legs?" one of them said. Intirgued and inspired, I replicated several famous paintings, flew to Mars and back and set new world records at the Olympics and return just in time to hear the rest of the conversation. "I will hire your ear lobe to do it while we're gone," the other caterpillar replied. "But Arnold is sick and is blind in one cheek, he'll never finish it in time for the arrival of an indigo coloured toilet!" Then it hit me. Right in the face. The indigo coloured toilet that is. It knocked me in so I could see my insides. Quite a site if I ever saw one. But I would not have it. In a last, slow motion, dramatic attempt, I flushed the toilet. I immediately became Julia Gillard and applied a carbon tax onto me. I then died. When I woke up I noticed I had become a unicorn with a rainbow stuck to my butt. I sighed which released butterflies. I then did two things- regurgitated Julia Gillard (who I didn't realise I had eaten) and stumbled across a packman. "I sell you pliers for good price!" he said in an over exaggerated Indian accent. I refused but he simply smiled and rampaged, destroying most of Europe and all of America. I just shrugged as the rainbow on my butt sighed and, after collecting its pay check, drove home. Meanwhile, Larry the cockatoo cross croc played the latest Slobbering Skunk VS Infectious Insect on his new STOMACH360. He promptly died. Just before the rainbow that was attached to my but arrived home, the Indian man won an argument about whether or not pelicans should be allowed to drive while celebrating New Years Eve while eating cheese. But before I could violate him, Abraham Lincoln interrupted putting us both onto detention for 4.997 seconds before using us as human windows. He then invented the dark bulb (which was utterly useless) and as he died he came up with the green bulb. Then he vomited up his eyes and mouth (and pet moth) and died. IN LOVING MEMORY OF ABRAMHAM LINCOLN *sad music*

THE END

 

By my little cousins

Once there was a dog Jedi. He really liked Star Wars and kept on slicing stuff with his lightsaber. One day he decided to eat a hamburger but then his butt exploded all over Caleb who had to eat another hamburger to clean up. The next day a unicorn arrived in the mail. His name was Bert. He was wearing a baseball hat and had baseball shoes and was holding a baseball bat. He then hit Caleb over the head with a nearby Hannah. Hannah, not impressed, decided to fly a kite. She grabbed Isaac and threw him in the air. He began to fly around and ate all the flying sheep and cows which had floated up from grandpa's farm. Grandpa was angry and bought a brand new tractor and flew it up to retrieve all the cows but let Isaac eat the rest of the sheep. and then a toucan suddenly appeared on grandpa's head and ate his head. Hannah then bought a jeep and flew (in the jeep) to America where she bought another jeep and met Lady Gaga who she ran over. Hannah then became the queen of America and ate the president and declared that everyone had to have a pet unicorn and eat sausage rolls. Then she died. Caleb had a party. He too died. Isaac had a party. He turned into a troll and destroyed the world, killing everyone exept Jedi the squirell/dog.

THE END

 

 

Severe Chain Reactions

"But then again, I could be a giraffe," they were my auntie's son's grandfather's daughter's talking rabbit's owner's last words. So it was traditional to pig out on celery and marmalade jam before the funeral commenced. But my classmates were in year 5 so instead of pigging out I decided to buy a land cruiser but that only lead to Iran eating 68% more hotdogs than Canada who proposed to America that armadillos will be bred with all pets in New York by the name of Harry. Unhappy with the design of the toilet bowl in her house, the queen ordered 20,000 men to hike up Mount Everest and build a clog factory just in case the Germans found out that billabong was now owned by McDonald's. Meanwhile in Siberia, Dora the Exploiter had been spooked by a leg hair that she found "most disturbing" on her mother. She had her exiled. This caused Woolworth's shares to rise by 999% and exhale into many poppies at the annual celebration for annual celebrations in Paris. Suddenly, Floppy Pops, a 78 year old notorious serial killer who had floppy skin that hung at least 30cm off his body, had been captured by a squawking pelican after several attempts to apply make up to the pelican had lead to protests in Bali causing vacancies in motels (but not hotels) to close and be replaced by flutes from New Zealand. Naturally, grass then grew 50% faster and cows and blue nosed sheep grew 62% fatter by square kilometre. Farmer Brown then died because he too grew 89% faster and he eventually exploded all over Mrs Brown who complained for hours in end how she "just cleaned the house" and "I shouldn't have to clean it every day" before she realised her husband had exploded. Her eyes melted and get children ate them for lunch at school.

THE END