Oranges and Art
AllyDog
One time when I was alive, I was doing art. When I was doing art the teacher told me to paint oranges. So I got some oranges and bashed them against the canvas (kinda like the way I go to the toilet, and the canvas would be the toilet). The canvas was covered in orange juices. I showed my teacher my artwork. She said that it was disgusting. So I licked her eyelid with my orange.
THE END
Toiletified
Dr Yu
Twice upon a time in a land where yellow sea cucumber can legally ride medical masks while under the influence of coc........a cola, a young man was dead. the end. JUST KIDDING!! A young man discovered he had a super power, a very very special power indeed. And that power.....was....the ability to turn anything into a toilet. His mum, your mum, his novelty moustache that wasbought on sale, u name it, it was a toilet. However, one day he made a mistake, he chose the wrong toilet. This is the story. One elegant lady's day Michael toirellaaaaaaa was combusting along utilizing his super power of turning any and everything into a toilet (the stray Chihuahua would never be the same) when suddenly a 13 year old Chinese kung fu master stopped him, licked his eardrum twice and promptly sold him 11 toothpicks (the 12th was in his buttcrack so it was too hard to reach). Michael was obviously so shocked (yet he still anticipated turkey) that he grabbed the master, flipped him inside out and upside down and turned both his nostrils into fully functional toilets. The master murmured in Arabic, "ugh now I have to buy you an exotic dancer and snort on your feet." True to his word, that master did (but he would never admit he also stroked Michael's bellybutton fluff.) Feeling empowered, snorted, and somewhat excited (for reasons that cannot be disclosed), Michael decided to run for president of Malaysia. Unbeknownst to him, the national religion of Malaysia is Swartuimamaaf, which pretty much means NO TOILETS. As you can imagine, in that tasty orange head of yours -p-, his powers were inexcusable there and he was soon watered at the stake, treated like a pot plant :'( And that was the end of Michal toirellaaaaaaa the pot plant man with the power to toiletfy ANYthing. as for the Chihuahua, he became addicted to flushing and had to be put up, same with the master, except he was picked down.
THE END
The Most Normal Story Known to Man
Jordan
(Disclaimer: The title is a lie) It was your average day in swagswagyolovile in the middle of your mother island EXCEPT.....nothing.......but back to the story wait what was it ....dammit uhhhhhhhh oh yeah! It was something to do with a pancreas right.....no no no thats not right oh wait I've got it AHEM ok yada yada yadaa swagswagvile and all that ok there we are we see our buttockial (totally a real word) beckah stache and our flying morbidly obese sausage door knob stevie oh and who could forget dillon ....... I wish i could... Stupid pickle incident..... oh! the story they were just swaggin around with freddy fazebear and foxy WHEN!!!!!! Nothing happend......butts
THE END
Really?
DaveSmithicus
I said to Patrick, the flamingo with a yacht for toes, that he needed to pay the rates for the lemon he was eating. But did he listen? Yes! He just went ahead and paid them like he didn't even realise the consequences. The consequences were of course the lamination of all males within the vicinity of 7 dead cows. He was oh so naïve as he tripped on his lip and exclaimed "oh bother gong! my antelopes have finally preceded my expectation into the realm of whales. My next move was obvious; high jack a high jack (who reacted with nothing but a simple "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! WHY ARE YOU HIGH JACKING ME!!!" and nothing more causing me to wonder whether he even cared. Concerned for the temperature of my carcus (ironically named Phil after Jack hehe), I dove into the dove of love and spun endlessly as it caressed my accent like it was a British teacup! I yelped in pain as I landed but was mortified when I realised the true extent of my fall. Even a homeless gondola whose parents had abandoned it at birth leaving it to a terrible rebellious life couldn't have perceived this fall into what could only be described as an onion. Oh and I died, but that's an aunty.
THE END
Paper Story #1
AJ
long ago ten Hungarians licked 10 zebras who were being highly taxed for their excess of puppies. the 10 Hungarians walked down the street when they saw... many Lego Asians (who have cotton rabies for dinner) who began to flick everyone on earth. being hugarian Bill finally lived 905 years, obviously, being his birthday he celebrated by... slapping a blonde hairless gorilla who loves eatintoilet seats.
THE END
If Cheese was Pleased
Davesmithicus
Before I begin I must warn you that this story contains some scenes and imagery that some types of exotic French cheeses may find disturbing or offending.
Larry wasn't pregnant and he wasn't obese and he definitely didn't own an Lebanese oil factory in northern sweeden that forced thousands of cheeses to hurriedly lick every third igloo they came across. In other words; Larry wasn't cool. He hung out with Patricia the sea shell and Patrick the heater (who would regularly make references to several 18+ comedies about cosmetics that had gone out of date {unless it's the 6th of May in which case feel free to lick an immense amount of disturbed rabbits whose children had been busted for viewing magazines about artificial kidneies taking over mars with their crocodilic tears}) Anyway, Larry, Patricia and Patrick would hunt for overdue leprechauns who exclaimed OH HEAVENS THE BABY IS ONLY JUST OVER DUE, PLEASE DONT HURT ME which when actually translated into English resembled a walrus mating ritual. Menacing and tauntingly, Patrick lifted his pants to his eyebrows and softly rubbed them together until they caught fire, all the while grinning evilly at Patricia who, frankly, had developed a hernia from the whole situation. They moved on and gradually reached FRANCE until they didn't. They fell off a cliff and impaled a local Indian on a glacier in celebration of their surviving (and secretly Patrick also celebrated his conversion from a size XXXXL hat to a size XXXXS! Which he was of course very proud of but only celebrated on the inside... Along with all the siberians he had surrounded, married one by one, and they tied into a knot and stored safely in his pancreas, feeding them off the juices and various juries who were unlucky enough to have stumbled upon his pancreas). Patricia on the other hand had a mad phobia of BUTLERS, especially those whose name smelt of the letter cabbage! She simply couldn't stand them, their menacing toe nails and evil butt cheeks. The way they said what would you like today madam?... Squealing at the top of their lungs while having turned their intensities and mouths inside out in a (feeble in Patricia's mind) attempt to insult politics. She shuddered while pouring suds down her knees (which yelled angrily in approval as they vibrated). But it was Larry; he had no more meaning in life: "ILL HAVE TO KILL MYSELF!" He exclaimed. "NO!" Patricia cried like a sexy leper. Larry looked at her like -_-, as if she'd just stepped on his foot even though she had no legs. "But I'm already dead..." He said in a monotone, melodramitic yet annoyed voice. "Oh yeah," Patricia sighed deeply (accidenlty releasing the captured Bulgarians from her thighs) "oh well." Her and Patrick then took the left exit and laughed until they began to tax the local Indians for their usage of the unisex hairbrush (the one whose breath smelt of exotic cheese from France and Brazil... That had been sat on by an obese smelly troll for twelve consecutive years before being eaten and vomited in quick succession eleven times and then used as hair gel by the kayaks whose reputation of stalling the elven celery in order to achieve a score of 105 on a game they claimed to be existent if it weren't for its lack of existence) SUDDENLY A TEAR APPEARED IN WHAT THEY ASSUMED TO BE A VOLCANO BUT IN ACTUALITY WAS A LARGE WOMANS BOTTOM WHO WAS QUITE OBSCURE IN THE WAY SHE DESCRIBED HER HOUSE: "it's like a mouse trap except without the trap part and it's not so wooden so I can retreat from the Norwegians of the south (XD XD GET IT she would giggle before she imploded into oblivion and snort as if to propose to Kevin Rudd who most amused would lightly tap the small keyboard strapped to his back while rubbing his left eyelid in approval of her request and offering she stay for high tea except instead of drinking tea they would slaugter thousands of Koreans who could seduce any woman (or chair) into giving them a free (buy one get one free) gondola who lacked either self belief or any sense of direction (whether or not they were British or disabled) But it was only sheer luck (and the sterioids they had taken) that their hernia had developed into contagious polio, that Patricia noticed a small Bulldog ripping apart her selfless yet volga toilet with such care and precision. She smiled. After all her adventures she could finally knit a scarf... Or so she though (with her thighs)... (<-- that's a dramatic elipsis) OMG DOES THIS MEAN ITS GONNA BE CONTINUED?! Patrick is still alive so there has to be more. Well you'd be right. This isn't the end. This is.
THE END